E010: Spoiler Alert: No One Is Coming To Save You

[00:00:26] Spoiler alert: No one is coming to save you. What a title! And it may or may not have triggered you. I know when I first found this out, it was something that I, one, didn't even really know that I needed to hear and, two, didn't really know how to take it.

Hear me out. I was born in the nineties, actually 1990 to be exact. And what this meant is that I was, well, basically raised by Disney movies. And I love Disney. I really do. But that doesn't mean that it didn't create a form of savior complex inside my psych.

Now hear me out. Disney does a really good job at creating this beautiful story of this woman or princess or a mermaid that is living a life that they just feel is okay, but it's a bit unfulfilled. They do their things alone, maybe they have some girlfriends. But when this Prince Charming or beast or whatever you want to use as an example, because there's a lot of Disney movies out there, comes into the picture.

But when Prince Charming comes into the picture, it's almost as though these women or princesses or whatever have been saved. They now are living the best life they've ever had. They go through a little bit of trials and tribulation, because, you know, you need a climax in a story. But then they live, mostly always, happily ever after. End credits.

Now, this isn't the only place in the world or society where this idea of the savior complex is perpetuated.

Let's look at the medicine field. So, for me in Canada, we have universal health care, which is amazing. And when I get sick with a cold or some knee pain or chronic headaches, I go to my doctor. Right? That's what most of us should do, if we have that option. Or so that's what society says.

When we go there our doctor, usually without much insight and background information of us, other than the other times we had been there for being sick, will recommend a protocol or a prescription, depending on what sickness it is. I know for me, most of the time it's antibiotics and it's kind of like, this is what you do, and then you'll be fine! Without any real input from the patient.

[00:3:04] This happens in a variety of other practices. And although it's not uniform with every single doctor, therapist, physiologist, whatever, it is something that is very relevant and prevalent in today's society. What happens is those beliefs that circulate in the medical part of our brain and the love part of our brain start to impact other parts like our physical health, mental health, emotional health, and our career. But no one is coming to save you in the medical field.

This also happens in our personal life where we start or wait for someone or something to come and save us. And I say this because I know. For the longest time I was waiting for something to quote unquote complete me or a better way, save me. I was super sad, super depressed for a very long time, and my brain was out of control.

I didn't even know I was experiencing mental health illnesses.

Honestly, I didn't even know I had mental health illnesses for the first 25 years of my life. So, you can imagine what was going on internally. I was waiting. I was waiting for someone to come and save me.

My “saviour” in the form of a significant other most of the time, but it also came in the form of a situation. I was waiting until I was healthy enough to start exercising again because I was chronically ill. Or I was waiting to feel emotionally secure in order to ask for the raise that I knew I deserved, or I was waiting until something to take action on something, there was a lot of waiting.

[00:05:00] For some of you out there, maybe it's just not the time for it to happen. But hopefully people listening to this will resonate with what I'm about to say. At the base of waiting for someone to come and save us is, ironically, fear. Because what if that person comes or that thing comes, or that moment comes, and we're not saved? What if our belief system is shown to be wrong? And here's the thing most of the time it actually happens.

So for me, I was waiting for a man to come and fix me. I was waiting for a boyfriend to come and complete me. Just like Disney told me it would happen. And let me tell you, I stayed in relationships much longer than I needed to or should have. I took verbal abuse and psychological manipulation because I was told that I wasn't good enough, all subconsciously of course, until I had someone complete me. I didn’t know that no one was coming to save me.

But here's the thing: No one is coming to save you.

And what I realized after the first 21 years of my life was that I was waiting for myself to finally realize that the superhero in my life was going to be me.

Unfortunately, I had to hit a pretty low bottom to get there. And one of the reasons why I believe I was able to realize that at such a young age. Because at 21, our brains aren't fully developed, but I had hit a pretty low point in my life where a lot of people won't even dream of that point. And as silly and full of self-loathing and hate towards myself, that situation created within me, I really truly believe that that was the most important moment of my life because I have a very vivid memory of coming to consciousness.

I wasn't actually unconscious in the physical sense, but in the more spiritual sense I was operating very unconsciously. I just remember this very clear moment where I realized this isn't who you are supposed to be. This isn't the life that is planned for you. This isn't the life that you have planned for you.

[00:07:30] And the only person that will ever be able to get you from where you are right now, the only person that will ever care enough to put everything into becoming and helping you be the person that you need to be is yourself.

And you can wait longer. You can sit here and you can continue doing what you've been doing. You can hope that the next guy is going to make everything better or the next job or the next country or the next drug or the next drink.

Or you can finally realize that the person that is meant to be your prince in shining armor is yourself.

A lot of us are waiting. A lot of us have waited and a lot of us will continue to wait for someone or something outside of ourselves in order to live the life that we want to. I beg of you. Wait for no one. Start right now.

I hope this this episode has been a kick in the butt to get you to realize that you are the Prince Charming or whatever word you want to use to come and save you. Because you are.

And when you write that beautiful love story at the end of your life - and I don't necessarily mean physically write that love story - you'll realize that the person that is going to be the one that has saved everything. You'll see that person that has rearranged everything and helped you become the person that you inherently know that you can and will be, has been be you. No one is coming to save you, except for you. And for some of you, I'm sure that feels like a really big, probably fucking huge, concept to even begin to understand where to start.

So I'm going to help you because I knew when I realized this, I had no idea what to do.

I just somehow knew in my brain that I would figure it out, and I did. It took a really long time and I want to share some shortcuts. Actually one, because it took me about four to seven years, I don't know the exact timeline, to really understand and implement this content..

And I didn't do it properly. There was a lot of alcohol involved. There was a lot of meaningless sex. And I suffered from a lot of depression and isolation and not enough showers. So, let me help you.

[00:10:15] What I want you to do is to start observing yourself. No one else. Just yourself. Well, if you want to add someone else that works too, but I want you to start observing yourself. Every situation that you come to, just check in and say, Hey, Amy, or Hey, name.How are you doing today? How are you feeling? And I don't mean the default, "Yeah, I'm good. How are you?" I mean, how are you truly feeling? And here's the thing, and this is the scary part.

You have to be honest with yourself. You have to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. And for a lot of us, we can't bear to admit that we're in pain. We've put on a strong face, maybe we're caregivers, and we just want to keep on trucking. You have to be honest with yourself that no one is coming to save you. But by doing that, you're ignoring a core part of you that not only needs to be healed, but needs to be loved.

I challenge you to just observe.

Observe your thoughts and your feelings. And once you start to really understand how often you're feeling sad, how often you're feeling motivated, how often you're feeling agitated, how often you're feeling happy, how often you're feeling hungry, how often you're feeling tired, how often you're feeling lethargic, how often you're feeling ugly, how often you're feeling bloated, how often you're feeling itchy, how often you're feeling whatever adjective you want to put, then you start connecting the dots.

What are the common factors in the times/moments/experiences where you are angry? What are the common themes of every time you are feeling depressed, what are the common experiences of why you are feeling tired? Ask yourself questions. Did you just eat? Or did you just talk to a specific person? Did you just go to work? Maybe you just flipped off someone driving home from the mall?

Then you start to realize what makes you react a certain way. I'm sure you've heard of triggers and this podcast is already super long. And if I sat here and walked you through every process of what you need to do in order to feel better or amazing, we would be here for a very long time. So start with these two steps: observe and then connect the dots.

And then continue to listen to this podcast because I'm here to help you.

Truly help you. I don't want your money. I just want your time because I felt so broken and so alone for a very long period of my life. There was a time I felt very misunderstood, and like I was a failure. But that was because people just didn't understand me and people didn't understand what I was going through. And I would never want that for anyone. No one is coming to save you, but you can save yourself. And I would like to help.

So, that is why this podcast is here. And I hope that you guys can get something super powerful from these episodes.

[00:13:30] I release interviews with experts in mental health, wellness, exercise, nutrition. disability rights, indigenous rights, politics. It's so great. And we always connect mental health because every single experience results in some sort of feeling.

And if those feelings are bad or perceived as negative and then ignored or pushed down and not being able to process. We are creating one hell of a web to unweave.

So, please follow along.

I'm so thankful that you've listened to this podcast. I would really appreciate it if you would give it a review on iTunes, if you're an iTunes listener. Maybe a subscribe, if you're liking and enjoying what I'm talking about.

And it's always these podcasts, they are for you and you alone. That's why I create topics around what you guys want to hear about, because I could sit here and tell you every single thing that has ever happened to me. And believe me, we'd have content for a millennium, truly. But it's not about me. It's about you.

So, if you're interested in submitting an idea for the podcast, follow me on Instagram, Amy dot Demone. That link is in the show notes. Send me a message. Write a comment. You can also follow The Empathy Front, which is the mental health wellness collective that is fighting the good fight against our self-destructive behaviors. Until next time, this is Amy D and this is What We're Not Talking About.

No one is coming to save you, but you can save yourself.