E030: 3 Decades, 3 Lessons with Amy D

I’m 3 decades old and I’ve learned 3 lessons over those years. Let me share them with you.

Amy: [00:00:36] Sunday is my birthday. And for all that know me, they know how obsessed I am with my birthday. It is a character flaw for sure. I am a stereotypical only child that just loves the day that is centered all around me. And I don't care. But I also love to share knowledge that I've learned over my years with you guys.

And that's what I'm going to do in today's episode. So I'm going to share three simple and short lessons that I've learned during the three decades in which I've been alive. Now, this makes it sound like I'm turning 30. I'm actually turning 31. But I only want it to include three lessons. So, I thought I'd make it cool and snappy.

So, let's go. First decade, this is the biggest lesson that I learned. And that is that your nervous system is the key to a healthy life. Now, I don't mean just physical happiness. I mean, psychological and mental and emotional wellbeing as well. It is what regulates your hormones and your body's cool and calm features. It's really the most important physical part of your body, at least in my opinion.

Obviously every body piece is very important. But the nervous system is something that you really need to learn to befriend. Helping to regulate it helps regulate your emotions and your behaviors. You know, all that stuff that really makes or breaks your quality of life

[00:02:17]

Decade number two, 2 of 3 lessons

Your past does not determine your future, but it does help determine your behaviors. Now, this was a hard hit lesson for me. That was because I have lived a very habitual pattern-type of life. Maybe not in the experiences I encounter. Instead, in the way in which the experiences I do have play out.

Now, I'm not going to sell myself too short because I'm trying to redirect the one instance that I'm really taking. I'm going to share with you what especially this refers to in my life. And that is my ability to not take something as seriously as I could. But I still have high expectations for me that creates this incredibly toxic situation within myself. Which, when I don't achieve my goals, I am incredibly hard on myself. Even though habitually and behaviourally, I'm not necessarily matching my actions to what I need to in order to be successful in the image that I have created for myself.

Now, that sounds super crazy. And yes, it is a trauma response. I'm very well aware. The one thing that I've recognized in my own personal life and pathology is that these habits and behaviors are so ingrained in who I am.

I need to either befriend them, like I mentioned earlier, or get upset and just pretend that they don't exist.

So, instead of trying to eradicate them in its entirety, even though I've been doing them for 25 plus years, I have decided to manipulate them to my advantage. So, because I do this, I am actively trying to set better expectations for myself that are more attainable, but may still be the reach. And then if I do not achieve them, that's when I really start practicing self-positive talk. And reminding myself that I am more than capable to do everything that I need to do.

[00:04:26] But because of the experience in childhood and in the past that I've had. Plus, the long-term perpetual trauma that has been present in my life. It's gonna take me a little bit longer than other people. And that's something that I have to be okay with in myself. A lot of us struggle with this, believe me.

This has been one of the biggest struggles of my life. And it's hard, but it's a practice to not react in those harsh dualities. We're trying to work on making it just less impactful.

Okay. Lesson three, 3 of 3 lessons.

If you're not present, did it ever happen? Or in short, be here now. 

I traveled quite a lot. And one thing that I've understood, which is really sad to me, is that I was not present for a lot of those travels. Meaning, I don't remember a lot of what I got to experience and see. Now, what I do remember, I do remember it was during a time in which I was very present. And unfortunately the one common denominator is access to the internet.

Now, this is just my own personal experience. But if this is the case, when it comes to memories in just the relation of traveling overseas, in which these are all supposed to be huge monumental experiences, what impact does that have on day to day functions? Or even day-to-day information that I'm required to take in?

Or memory I'm expected to have, such as, do the dishes, clean yourself. Very simple habitual things that we do to keep our life well off. We get distracted easier, and that takes us away from being present. These two things combined has really helped me. Focus and center, and yes, that dreaded term, be mindful of where I am, what I'm doing, and what I'm experiencing.

Because so many of us are taught and almost expected to live in the future. To chase the dream job, the husband, the, the partner, the whatever it is. And we're always thinking ahead.

That's beautiful and it's incentivizing and it can really get you out of dark places of your life. 

[00:06:56] But once you're out of those dark places and you're in a situation where yeah, it might be uneventful. Yeah. Nothing really is going on. You're just watching some Netflix. But the thing is, if you can't tune into that moment, you're not able to know what it feels like to one, be safe and two, to really experience what is going on in your life in the present moment.

My favorite term that I keep coming back to over and over again, is “everything is impermanent.” Even the mundane things, the things that don't really seem like they are important right now are what we're gonna miss the most. And certain things seem so easy and so available to us. But then we're going to lose those, the ability to see, or to hear, or to remember certain things.

We need to take advantage of what's going on in our present moment. And drop in and just be and experience our life. So many of us are racing forward and we're missing so much the beauty.

That's it. That's all I got for you. Hopefully these 3 lessons have been insightful and maybe some of it resonates with you. I'd be very curious to know what lessons you have learned in your “X” amount of years on this beautiful planet.